My Party Dress Is Staying On (Under My Lab Coat)

4 Mar

And now, a public service announcement!

Attention, hipsters and music nerds of the world: Yes, my name is Allison. Yes, I know that Elvis Costello recorded a song titled “Alison” in 1977 for his first album. Yes, I know that Rolling Stone ranked it #318 of the 500 greatest songs ever. And yes, I know it is generally regarded as one of his top 10 best songs.
 And it annoys the hell out of me. Seriously.
I hate it.
I hate it so much.
All because of one simple lyric.

(This one)

There have been at least half a dozen occasions where men, upon learning my name, attempt to use it as a pick up line, always accompanied by a creepy leer. So if any of you jerkfaces dare ask me one more time if “your little friend can take off my party dress,” I will cut you.
I cut you with science.
In a fit of unmatched nerd-rage, I will throw all of my science textbooks at you, including my 4″ thick Mahon microbiology textbook.
And it will hurt.
You’ll probably cry.

(Or weep softly, if crying is too mainstream.)

My party dress is staying on, thank you very much, under my lab coat.
Because when it comes to science, the party never stops.

Why not talk about all his other work? I would love to talk about his other songs. Or, if you must make a nomenclature-based musical reference, why not bring up the song “Allison,” by The Pixies, which totally rocks references of planets and suns and distant stars. While it’s not the type of music usually I listen do, it does have the lyric “Keeps a smile around a while,” which I completely love because it reminds me to keep on smiling. And it is written about Mose Allison, a kick-ass blues singer who wrote a song entitled “Your Molecular Structure,” which rocks my sciencey socks off.

Oddly enough, Costello did a cover of “Your Molecular Structure” in a New York performance in late 2010. Which redeems him for the ridiculous Alison lyric. At least the man appreciates science-inspired love songs.

Mose Allison could calm the most volatile reaction of elemental sodium mixed with H2O with his soothing tunes.

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